I would love to say that it was with great faith and patience that we came into this part of our story but truly I was reaching the point of moving on, just accepting that the Lord didn't have children in the plan for us. I was trying to plug in and invest in the children around us, whether family or church, because if I couldn't impact my own children for the future then I was going to try to impact someone else's. I was just tired of the struggle of wondering, hoping, crying, lacking faith and ready to move on.
I really didn't have any suspicions that I was expecting that Saturday morning, I figured with the crazy beginning of summer my hormones had gotten off balance again and I was going to start an herbal supplement to help rebalance them. But of course like every bottle of any supplement or medicine it says to be sure you aren't pregnant or breastfeeding before starting.
That morning Working Man headed to the basement with coffee to start reading his Bible, and I went to use the bathroom and take the test, without telling him, because well- so many previously failed pregnancy tests. I figured it would be one more. But immediately it was two lines. It was different than before. I began to shake; shock, most likely. What were all those creative things I had thought of to tell my husband?! And how in the world could I wait to tell him until I got what I needed for the surprise?
There was no way. I tried to give him some time to read him Bible and tried to spend some time reading mine before sending him into shock.
All that kept running through my mind was a verse that I had memorized years before during one of the hard times:
"He maketh the barren woman to keep house,
and to be the joyful mother of children.
Praise ye the Lord."
Psalms 113:9
Finally my time had come, I had been the barren woman keeping house, and now I was to be the joyful mother of a child. Praise only to the Lord.
When I went downstairs, I wasn't even sure how to bring it up, I mean it's not every Saturday morning I take a pregnancy test. I crawled in the chair with him and told him that I took a test.
"And?"
"And you're gonna be a dad."
And more shock commenced. Along with a look of wonder. And multiple questions on how I felt.
I felt so humbled. I hadn't even been praying like I should have for a child, or probably even as much as so many other people had been praying for us. But despite of my weakness God said it was time.
I apologize that it has been six months and this is the first I really wrote about it. With regular life and then new baby life and all that brings, things have been moving right along here.
I almost feel guilty that this pregnancy has been such a breeze. No sickness, no strange cravings, no bad glucose numbers. Outside of the annoyances of stretching stomach muscles, it's been so fun.
Around 21 weeks we had an ultrasound to find out what we were having, something I thought I wouldn't want to do with my first. But we had waited so long and it was one of the first things that my husband asked when I told him I was expecting, "how soon can we find out?" I thought for sure it was a girl based on the heartbeat, but I was proved wrong when the technician told us that we were having a boy.
We already had names we had discussed so Jackson Lee it is. And with a little less than 8 weeks until his due date we are so excited to meet him and see who he favors and what his little personality will be.
I don't ever want to forget that long wait, and the pain and struggle infertility was, because God did it for our good and it's made this baby and this pregnancy all the more special . I plan on trying to do a bump update soon, although it may be the only one I do before he is here. I do so miss blogging and hope to find a time to write more and hopefully have internet at the house. I still have dreams of a new blogging website with a new vision and maybe one day it will happen but at the moment I'm getting for the treasure that the Lord is getting ready to give us.
