When Christmas Hurts This Year

Christmas can be, and is, a difficult time for some people. Whether because of a missing loved one this year, unresolved conflicts, or unfufilled dreams. The absence of children to couples wishing for children, makes Christmas a difficult holiday. And this barren women has a wish every Christmas.

You think you know this one. Of course.

Every infertile woman wishes for a baby at Christmas. But wishing for a baby at Christmas isn't like other wishes. You can't wish this one to be wrapped up under the tree or come in a parcel in the mailbox. It can't be put on your Amazon wish list or be fulfilled by any person.

What every barren woman (or at least this one) really wishes for every Christmas is ,yes, a baby, but not for reasons that you may think. For me, every year Christmas approaches I silently wish for a baby in my womb. It normally starts around Thanksgiving. I dream of ways to tell the man I love who wants this too. Plans on how to tell parents and my siblings swirl around my mind. "Maybe this year" is the heart cry. I want a baby for Christmas, to give the gift of "baby news" for Christmas. To bring joy and happiness to the season with the gift of new life.

But it's Christmas, and I've come to it again with an empty womb, with dreams I've had to throw out the window.

The Christmas season is a joyous, yet difficult season for those who struggle with infertility. We wish for little hands to help decorate the tree, messy decorated sugar cookies from excited, inexperienced helpers. Dreams of what traditions to start, how to incorporate the REAL meaning of Christmas so children realize Christmas isn't really about presents. Family Christmas cards with family photos. We wish we were so busy tending to little hearts and bodies that we didn't have hours to decorate our houses to Pinterest-worthy perfection.

Instead, we decorate trees with heavy hearts and tear-filled eyes. Believe me, it happens year after year. We think, "next year, I'm not even doing this. Forget the tree, it's a reminder year after year of what I don't have." We make Christmas cookies alone, or forgo making them all together. We keep seeing ideas for great traditions to start with children and we keep scrolling. "Family pictures" should be more aptly named "married couple pictures". And we sometimes have hours to decorate our homes and elaborately do, trying to cover the pain.

Sometimes the holiday season isn't too merry.

How do we get through it? What do we do?

I'm learning the answer is always the Word of God. It heals, sometimes along with the shedding of tears. If this Christmas is a hard Christmas for you because of infertility or other trials, let's turn our focus. Let's get it where it needs to be this Christmas. Here are some ways I'm trying to align my focus during the difficult holiday season.
Focus Check

Problem - For me, infertility makes me dwell on what I want and don't have: children. I don't have pitter patter of feet on my bedroom floor on Christmas morning, waking me to open Christmas gifts.

Remedy - Remind myself of what I do have. I am blessed. I may not have children of my own, but there are children at church I can invest in, babies in nursery to cuddle, teenagers to encourage. I have a wonderful husband who I do not deserve, who was hand-picked my God for me.

Problem - Sadness prevails during Christmas. It's self pity. Actually it's selfishness.

Remedy - Get my mind busy on others, bringing joy to others. Spending time with those I have, because that's one thing I have plenty of, time. In the Lord's presence is FULLNESS OF JOY. Spend more time with Him in the Word.

Problem - The business of the Christmas Holiday has your mind going every which way, and on lists of things to do, places to go.

Remedy - Stop. Intentionally set aside some time this Christmas to dwell on what the season is about. A baby. Fully God, fully man. Born on earth, sent to earth to die, gave Himself willingly to die. For you, for me. That baby was sent to save us from our sins.

"And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS:

For he shall save his people from their sins."

Matthew 1:21

This Christmas, if you have children, cherish every minute with them. Enjoy the sights, the smells, the wonder of Christmas with children. And remember the barren.

This Christmas, if you have parents, let them know you love them. Spend time with them. Call, text, visit. You'll never know when your last Christmas with them is. And remember those who have lost loved ones this year.

This Christmas, if you can't be home this Christmas, send your Christmas greetings and live to the hilt right where you are. Enjoy the people you are with, make memories, let laughter ring. And remember others just like you who can't be home for Christmas.

This Christmas, no matter your hurt, your pain, take it to Jesus. Pour the tears and the hurt at His feet and leave it there. He knew where you would be, what you would be going through right now, and for reasons unknown He orchestrated it that way. Leave your burden, and take hold of the joy of Christ and try your best to enjoy this time where we celebrate the coming to earth of our Redeemer. Jesus. Emmanuel. God with us. Right where we are in the hurt.