One in Eight

I don't want to write this post. I've put this off for well over a couple of months, more than a year actually. Yet I know the Lord wants me to write. I think it will help me and help those around me. Maybe my hurt will be a help to someone else. So many thoughts swirling around in my head, "How much do I write?", "Where do I even start?", "Should I even do this?". So much pain, grief, brokenness inside. So today I share.


Sunday is Mother's Day. A day to honor those who have born and raise (or have raised) children. And it is good and right to honor mothers. And mothers, please never, ever, EVER take your motherhood for granted. And please keep your complaints about the weariness of motherhood to yourself, especially around your friend with no children.

Did you know that in the United States 10% of the population struggle with infertility? I read somewhere this morning while doing statistical research that infertility affects 1 in 8 people. One in Eight. That means probably someone you know is struggling with infertility, a family member, a friend, someone in your church. And if you are here reading my blog, then you are meeting one of the eight. I've skirted around the issue on this blog numerous times. Many times I though of writing about it but didn't feel I was ready. I still don't feel ready. And I don't know where to begin or even go with this.

I can tell you from our own struggles that this is a hard topic. It's a heavy, heavy burden that's even heavier once a month. And it's not anything new, the Bible speaks of those who were barren, and the shame those women went through. Women like Elizabeth |Luke 1:5-25| and Hannah |I Sam. 1:1-18|(more on Hannah in another post). And I think I can safely say infertility and shame seemingly go hand in hand. It's not self-induced shame because you've done something wrong and you are guilty, it's shame and embarassment because you get asked the questions about children and there is only a limited amount of things you can do to change your situation. God is still the Giver and Taker of Life (Job 1:21)

Boy, I'm really having a hard time trying to get my thoughts across. I'm sitting here wanting to cry(welcome to infertility life 101!) because I just want you, the readers, to understand the pain of monthly heartbreak, the countless gallons of tears that are shed regularly, the struggle hearing each new person that announces they are expecting, the empty arms that long to be filled with the sweetness of baby flesh.

And we don't talk about it. We put on a brave face, a smile, a glib answer to the question "Do you have children?" You probably don't even know we are trying for children but God hasn't allowed it yet. Most infertile couples just struggle alone. A huge reason is because when we do rarely share with someone who has children they don't understand, they give unneeded advice, or they feel awkward because they don't know what to say. In reality, we really just want you to know so you understand why we are the way we are. We don't need your suggestions, we need your prayers. But it goes beyond your prayers, we need your encouragement. Whether it's a text saying, "I just want you to know you mean so much to me, and I am lifting you and this burden up before the Lord. If you need a shoulder to sob on you can use mine. I won't talk, you can just cry." We need you to send Scripture to us to remind us God knows us, He feels our pain, He bears our burdens. We know it but it's so encouraging to be reminded by those who want to help. And the one thing we don't need or want is your pity. I do not want to be pittied because I don't have children. I have enough pity parties myself, don't have one for me. God has us right where He wants us, I don't understand it, but I believe it. And just because we struggle with the "why's" doesn't make us bitter against God or our lot in life. Every human being wonders "why?" at some point or another.

So this Sunday, this Mother's Day, as you sit in your pew at church enjoying the Day to honor you as a mother, take a moment to look around your church at the couples that have no children. Most likely the wife has a wad of tissues in her purse and she want to escape to the restroom. Or she would rather be home alone, eating chocolate and sobbing uncontrollably.  Send up a prayer for comfort for them, because they may be one of the eight. And if you feel so led, let them know you are praying for them especially this day.