Infertility: Human Weakness

In every person's life there is weakness, there is struggle, there are trials. I would say my biggest struggle is not having children. Like I wrote in May, One in Eight people are affected by infertility. Infertility is defined as a couple who have been trying to have a baby for over a year and haven't been successful. My whole life all I've wanted to be is a Wife and Mother, but yet God hasn't allowed Mamahood yet.

Sometimes it is so hard not to focus on the trial you are right in the middle of and instead focus on the good God is working in you. Recently Pastor preached on II Corinthians 12:9-10.

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness, most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmites, in reproaches,in neccesities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

II Corinthians 12:9-10

His message was about the Blessing of Human Weakness (You can listen here) and it was such an encouragement. A quick takeaway from what the Lord pointed out to me was:

1. When we have a weakness we tend to try to hide it because it reveals out limitations.

2. We tend to focus on the pain and not the purpose of God through our weakness.

3. Prayer is the ultimate salve in weakness. God's grace in never ending and He will provide            
strength to press on.

Infertility is a weakness, a physical weakness, that can lead to other weaknessness in my life. It can push me to spiritual weakness, allowing fear and hopelessness to reign. "What if I can't ever have children?" "What is the purpose of my life?" "Why did I get that teaching degree so I could homeschool when I don't have kids to homeschool?"

Recently I've been struggling and praying for the Lord to define the thin line between holding onto hope and giving up desires. Everyone preaches Surrender and we should live surrendered lives, but does that mean we shouldn't have hope in good, biblical dreams, like children? How long does one hope that God will give them children and how long until you just give up and move on with your life?

This morning the Lord gave me some insight through my devotions. A book I'm reading was speaking about blaming God for the Enemy's attacks and learning to recognize them so we can put on the armour and resist Satan's attacks.

Two of my biggest struggles through infertility are fear of not having any children and clinging onto hope and not despair.But I learned some things: anything of fear or darkness (unclear, confusion, fearfulness) is not from God, and has nothing to do with Him. According to I Peter 2:9 He is Light (clear, cheerful, Hope) He is Hope. God is the Father of Light, Satan the Father of Lies. James 1:7 tells us the Lord gives good and perfect gifts, He is merciful, He rescues. But Satan condemns, diminishes God's fatherly nature in our minds, and he is the Snuffer out of life and hope. Anything that causes us to lose hope or diminishes our confidence in God is not from the Lord.

These are things I know, but things I need to be reminded of, to be put plain to me. I know fear is not of God (I Tim. 1:7) and His perfect love casts out fear (IJohn 4:18) so this fear is a stronghold that Satan has on my life. But the Hope. With God there is no doubt. He alone is hope, so anything that makes me want to give up hope is from the Enemy of my Soul. He wants me to live in despair. But God is hope, so I must never give up hope. My desire is godly and right, to have children and raise them for the Lord, so it is not wrong to have that desire. Does this all guarantee the Lord will bless us with children? I have no clue, but I do know my question is answered.

So in this human weakness of infertility I can have hope, I can have strength through Him, because when I am weak He is Strong. And I'm trying to glory(boast) and take pleasure in these infirmities of infertility, because He gives me strength, my purpose is to direct Glory to Him. If the whole reason I walk this path of barrenness is so that I can help, remind, encourage some other person struggling with this same trial, than so be it. He knows what He is doing.